summer_jackel: (Default)
Added the Table of Scenes to the google doc.

I am currently working on '61. The rose and the aptar' (Rose and Aptar? The Aptar and the Rose? idk quite). It's grandiose.

I look at the table and am both excited by how close I am to a finished draft, and dismayed by how far it still is. But I'm also clearly closer to being finished with the 'coming down to the end and ending' missing part of the book than the 'big chunk in the middle about Lial's emancipation' missing part of the book. Those are the two big missing chunks! They aren't small chunks, but still, just the two.

Oh, and Pattern has a soccer game before the intimate misunderstanding sequence, but by the time I get around to it, that should be fun to write. Maybe that will be the last scene I finish.

And then it will be finished. (The rough draft, anyway).

The Lives of St. Valerai:

Table of Scenes )
summer_jackel: (Default)
Immensely Valuable Beta Feedback Received:

"the single-quote/ double-quote to denote signing vs. speech continues to annoy me, because I read both British and American novels and don't see a difference (U.S. uses double quotes for dialogue, U.K. uses single) until I get confused and backtrack."

Definitely a problem to fix; I want it immediately obvious to the reader when a character changes from verbal to gestural speech. The best repair seems to be replacing ' ' with another form of punctuation. Fix this on second draft.

Current Punctuation:


'Signing' The problem is obvious;

< Strobing >

/ ! / Plosion in the higher register

/ + / Plosion in the lower register
summer_jackel: (Default)
Kaleb's teenage son needs a name. Jaim? Danol? Both fit as Yrethtari male names. Maybe Jaim b/c it's one syllable, and the other characters he hangs out with, Sylvie and Ebrin, are both two syllable names.

Edit; Jaim is Kaleb's kid, Danol is the deceased embezzler who Lial replaces. Poor dude needs a name.

I go back and forth about whether Danol turns out to be important at the end of book 3 as a wronged senator's beloved human, whose fate she learns at a plot-relevant moment, or if having him be the same guy is a little too cleverly coincidental.
summer_jackel: (Default)
The Yllaii undoubtedly have some kind of religious requirements around butchery / food preparation analogous to kosher or halal. This certainly forbids vayans from handling their food.

Given that they are a small ethnic minority in Urkatriabek, how do they get around this?

What issues does Zela face finding food? Early in immigration, this is a huge issue with the Yllaii. Zela will have eaten inappropriate food as the only option, and felt sick/terrible about it.

When Valerai brings her meat, does she do something at the time of kill to make certain it will be ok for Zela (this would be a great small detail to add in 'Hunger and the white stag.')

Add this somewhere in the 'young Valerai and Zela getting to know each other' sequences. The two do not start out well together, but when Valerai finds out Zela has this kind of need, she will unquestioningly do the thing...Getting The Food, Doing That Correctly is Valerai's whole life, after all, and she is much more comfortable adjusting her methods/ saying the right prayer /etc. than Zela expects.

This will contrast with a point where Zela is otherwise put out/surprised by the absolute authority Valerai unconsciously assumes in hunting, especially when she is, early on, so frightened and submissive elsewhere. This is part of Zela's process of getting to know Valerai and obtaining a sense of who she is and what her life was like before immigration.

Confused Zela: "But you don't even like me. Why are you taking this so seriously?"

Confused Valerai: "What does liking you have to do with it? Food for you must be done in X way, you are one of the people I am now hunting for, ergo I must do X thing. Liking you has nothing do do with it.
...but actually, you are incorrect; I do like you."
summer_jackel: (Default)
Zela clearly does not have a religious proscription against alcohol, or 'scene 52. Revelry; return' won't fly. It seems as though they would have rules around it, especially how and when, so perhaps think about that and add it somewhere.

Perhaps the Yllaii originally had harsher restrictions around booze, and that is one of the things that changed culturally during their generations of rebellion. Alcohol is a human invention, or at least if the vayans invented distillery they did it independently, or with the help of captive humans. Zela embraces her religion and culture more as her arc progresses, not less, so add something about this somewhere.
summer_jackel: (Default)
A point in the list of 'things to think about when a first draft is finished':

Usage of the word 'muzzle.' At various points in frequent use as a part of the face of a vayan or a dog; also often used to describe a device worn on the jaws of either species. Are there points where this is confusing?

From scene 67:

Pattern exhaled with a little moan and let the sound carry her shoulder carefully into Precision, who returned pressure with a quiet huff of gratitude. Gold vayan and silver pressed their cheeks together tenderly and closed their eyes, so that each muzzle nested into the deep, plush coat of the other’s backskull. Their cheek patches touched.

Is it as clear as I think it is that I'm talking about the part of their faces and that neither character is wearing a muzzle?


summer_jackel: (Default)

July 2017



RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 24th, 2017 05:38 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios