summer_jackel

develop-your-oc

Which OC is a person of color?


Zela, Seljai, Kaleb, Ebrin and Sylvie are people of color. If I was casting them, Kaleb, Sylvie and most of the Yrethtari are black, Zela, Ebrin and the Yllaii could be played by actors with brown skin, and for Seljai and the Ro I'd want to cast Asian actors, indigenous actors, or someone who is both. Valerai and the Kaishi are largely white.

Lial is a color (genetic blue) that does not exist in actual humans.

Chapter 24, from earlier in the book than the bit I'm otherwise working on.


( There are moments when I am reminded still what a stranger I am to your city, and I am startled by its wonders )

develop-your-oc

Which OC is very good at what they do, but nobody is really sure what it is that they do?
running-dog

Lial, at Rosegarden, did everything—a little of this, a little of that, whatever needed a pair of skilled hands. It was only required that she did this very well.

A piece of story! But not of 'Rosegarden.' This bit will come in the third part of book 1, 'Lady and Huntsman.' Currently, I plan to divide it into 3 parts, with 'City of Beasts' being third.

This scene should be one of the first introduction to the vayans (assuming the reader has not already read Rosegarden, which will be finished first) and almost certainly the first use of vayan perspective.

I apparently needed to write some average human/vayan interaction out there, to contrast with the less average situation I'm working on now in 'Rosegarden.'


( The silent air became electric. The vayans were perfectly still, weight forward on their heavy, curving hands, long, razor-crested necks held tall and stiffly forward, bristling. )

develop-your-oc

Which OC would be the most fashionable at the Met Gala?
running-dog

Valerai, no question. She and Jena would go to the world-equivalent Met gala and love it.

Something more or less along these lines happens in the first book. (Have I mentioned here that this is a trilogy? It's a trilogy. Rosegarden is book 2).

This one took me forever but it was fun. Pageantry, grandiosity, theatrics! All seven of the main cast, three of the minor cast and something like 20 of their dogs have something to do! Although it feels like Sun-tiger should be somewhere in here too.

I think of this scene as the coda of Orchid's arrival and finding-his-place arc; everything after this is the leadup to the ending sequence and the ending sequence itself. I still have a pretty hefty chunk to go before it actually ends, but I am heading in that direction.

And then there's the whole bit in the middle with freshly emancipated Lial, but that will be easier to do when I have the end, and I always planned to do it last. Lial is the most difficult character by far, but I'm getting more comfortable with her.


(  “You monsters,” came a low cadence, deliberate and rich. “You made Precision wear a muzzle?” )

Immensely Valuable Beta Feedback Received:

"the single-quote/ double-quote to denote signing vs. speech continues to annoy me, because I read both British and American novels and don't see a difference (U.S. uses double quotes for dialogue, U.K. uses single) until I get confused and backtrack."

Definitely a problem to fix; I want it immediately obvious to the reader when a character changes from verbal to gestural speech. The best repair seems to be replacing ' ' with another form of punctuation. Fix this on second draft.

Current Punctuation:

"Speaking"

'Signing' The problem is obvious;

< Strobing >

/ ! / Plosion in the higher register

/ + / Plosion in the lower register

The Yllaii undoubtedly have some kind of religious requirements around butchery / food preparation analogous to kosher or halal. This certainly forbids vayans from handling their food.

Given that they are a small ethnic minority in Urkatriabek, how do they get around this?

What issues does Zela face finding food? Early in immigration, this is a huge issue with the Yllaii. Zela will have eaten inappropriate food as the only option, and felt sick/terrible about it.

When Valerai brings her meat, does she do something at the time of kill to make certain it will be ok for Zela (this would be a great small detail to add in 'Hunger and the white stag.')

Add this somewhere in the 'young Valerai and Zela getting to know each other' sequences. The two do not start out well together, but when Valerai finds out Zela has this kind of need, she will unquestioningly do the thing...Getting The Food, Doing That Correctly is Valerai's whole life, after all, and she is much more comfortable adjusting her methods/ saying the right prayer /etc. than Zela expects.

This will contrast with a point where Zela is otherwise put out/surprised by the absolute authority Valerai unconsciously assumes in hunting, especially when she is, early on, so frightened and submissive elsewhere. This is part of Zela's process of getting to know Valerai and obtaining a sense of who she is and what her life was like before immigration.


Confused Zela: "But you don't even like me. Why are you taking this so seriously?"

Confused Valerai: "What does liking you have to do with it? Food for you must be done in X way, you are one of the people I am now hunting for, ergo I must do X thing. Liking you has nothing do do with it.
...but actually, you are incorrect; I do like you."

A point in the list of 'things to think about when a first draft is finished':

Usage of the word 'muzzle.' At various points in frequent use as a part of the face of a vayan or a dog; also often used to describe a device worn on the jaws of either species. Are there points where this is confusing?

From scene 67:

Pattern exhaled with a little moan and let the sound carry her shoulder carefully into Precision, who returned pressure with a quiet huff of gratitude. Gold vayan and silver pressed their cheeks together tenderly and closed their eyes, so that each muzzle nested into the deep, plush coat of the other’s backskull. Their cheek patches touched.

Is it as clear as I think it is that I'm talking about the part of their faces and that neither character is wearing a muzzle?

Well hey, new internet platform, we'll see how this goes.

For the time being, this is mostly going to be a writing journal for my novel-in-progress, 'Rosegarden.' I plan to shortly make it available as a google document, in as much of its extremely unfinished, messy, rough drafted glory as exists.

But I'll begin with the scene I've been working on for the last couple of days. I realized that it contains the book in a nutshell, and is probably a decent indicator for whether a reader will find the thing interesting. If you like this, there's 548 pages and counting (sob) more of it.

( 66. Honest dogs )