Wow, that is an amazing link. I have often said that if I became accidentally pregnant I would consider keeping the child or aborting, but adoption was simply not an option for me. I cannot bear the thought of someone else raising my child. Someone else possibly raising my child in ways I disapprove of. That is just not okay. I'll have a child or I won't, but if I have a child I don't want it taken away from me.
Abortion is fine because it's just choosing not to have a child, and I really don't mind ending a pregnancy. Not that I don't have emotional issues with abortion. Although really, it's not abortion or the thought of an abortion that fucked me up. It was being late with my period and wondering if I might be pregnant and realizing that I absolutely hated the thing inside me if there was a thing inside me. I love kids. I want kids. But I wasn't ready to have them. And my reaction to the hypothetical exactly what I wanted but not yet was pure emotional hatred. Intellectually I knew that if I were pregnant, it wasn't possibly its fault. But I hated it.
It took me a while to deal with that. But an abortion itself... I don't think that'd have added that much to any emotional turmoil beyond what actually having it be a pregnancy would have added. I probably wasn't pregnant; I was probably just late. I often am late if I get sick or worn out when I should have been ovulating. I got my period before I got tested. It could have been an early pregnancy loss. I'll never know and it doesn't really matter. I was sexually active, but I was using condoms, so most likely I was just late.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2009-03-21 09:51 am (UTC)Abortion is fine because it's just choosing not to have a child, and I really don't mind ending a pregnancy. Not that I don't have emotional issues with abortion. Although really, it's not abortion or the thought of an abortion that fucked me up. It was being late with my period and wondering if I might be pregnant and realizing that I absolutely hated the thing inside me if there was a thing inside me. I love kids. I want kids. But I wasn't ready to have them. And my reaction to the hypothetical exactly what I wanted but not yet was pure emotional hatred. Intellectually I knew that if I were pregnant, it wasn't possibly its fault. But I hated it.
It took me a while to deal with that. But an abortion itself... I don't think that'd have added that much to any emotional turmoil beyond what actually having it be a pregnancy would have added. I probably wasn't pregnant; I was probably just late. I often am late if I get sick or worn out when I should have been ovulating. I got my period before I got tested. It could have been an early pregnancy loss. I'll never know and it doesn't really matter. I was sexually active, but I was using condoms, so most likely I was just late.
But adoption was not and is not an option for me.