Walking with dogs in July

[summer_jackel]

Moving with these five in the morning, I reflect that I am not keeping a collection of pets so much as building a small dog culture; a cohesive group, a pack. Chosen both to complement my personality and challenge my assumptions and desires, they combine the known and the mysterious. Individual character comes forth from the dictates of genetics and breed, changing over time; the personalities of dogs and people are emergent.

So: I get to know my puppies. Chaos is the infancy of a serious, loyal, complex and occasionally silly dog. He is tender and determined in the way of puppies, and I am sometimes still startled by the newness of him. I'll look over my bedroom floor to see a small, eloquent comma of collie, all paws, snout and unconsciousness and think for an instant, 'how did that get there? How marvelous.'

Coba has come into his coat and the awkward drama of adolescence. Expressive and retiring, he is not a timid dog, but neither is he outgoing; in him, the breed's reserve can run deep. His forays into challenge and adulthood are swift and experimental. His abrubt transition into something other than the unequivocal lowest status member of the pack is a revelation, and his tumbling conversations with Chaos veer back and forth between the play of puppies and the dominant braggadocio of a young male not entirely certain what he needs to prove so badly.

Rogue carries the dignity of maturation, the weather of change and loss. In the shift from being Kestrel's little dog into mine, she has passed into a new era of her life, as I have, and it is clear in her behavior and bearing. Rogue is calmer, more serious and determined, assertive as she never was before Skeeter left and Fenris died; the alpha canine, odd as that may seem, of her pack. Loyal and sensitive, playful with the others exactly as much as she chooses, she lingers at my side with affectionate focus and just a thread of the confused sorrow that she showed for awhile in the face of change. Rogue showed me that dogs mourn the loss of their bonds, and demonstrated how to do so with dignity.

While the others seem mobile, shifting, Jezebel has settled into a kind of peaceful contentment. Deeply confused in the wake of Fenris' passing, she became obsequious and hyper-attentive to me, almost cowering. The prospect of being alpha female in her pack, an important thing if you are a dog, apparently did not sit well with her. I wish I could have seen the moment she understood that Rogue had taken on that burden. She lacks the excitement of youth and the pain of age, and now she has become mellowly independent. Jezebel lopes along with an air of satisfied timelessness.

Pryderi has gone quiet. He retreats to an inward space as his body slowly fails him a step before his mind, curled in his doghouse, his back to the world. When I run beside my splendid old companion, we seem sometimes half in this present, half out of time, keeping quiet pace with the keen ghosts of Fenris' youth and age. I have to realize that for anything I hoped to share or experience with Pryde, the chance has passed to that other world of dream and memory; Pryderi now pulls away to his private road, preferring to sleep or sit alone when he is not walking with the rest of us. He will not come into the house unless forced. I respect him, learn from him about change and age, how to release and die. I am grateful for this era of my life even as I mourn its passing. There are no words for how I love him.

I have brought them together, and in the course of their lives, these animals will grow with and continue to change me. Together, they create a cohesion, shape each other's identities as I witness and participate in them. One human lifetime expressed through the experience of dogs.

There are so many things which move me, that I cannot be and cannot have; but here, in this moment amidst these animals, I run in a present of perfect contentment. Call this a snapshot in time, one pack loping through the woods in July, sweeping through the moments between loss and memory.

Comments

[teahound.livejournal.com]

Such lovely photos... And such lovely prose. You managed to pull at my heartstrings and realize I've still got so much to learn about our family's canine companion. Thank you so much for sharing...

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed them! The more I pay attention to these animals, it seems like the more I see.

[fuzzytoedcollie.livejournal.com]

Wonderfully written!
Thank you :)

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

I'm most pleased you like it. :)

[troubleagain.livejournal.com]

Great pics! I bet Coba and Chaos wear each other out!

And it's easy to see the love and pride you each have in the other.

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

Coba and Chaos are really good for each other like that. They can face-fence endlessly, playing like...well...puppies. Little blue energy balls.

[lynnenova.livejournal.com]

That was a painting of words. It made my heart hurt to read.

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm glad that the piece inspired emotion in you.

[wastedmouthfull.livejournal.com]

We lost Ivan our Husky wolf Dog, in june.
He couldnt get up to eat or go to the bathroom anymore, and he was too good to let him suffer.
But Gods i miss him every day, he had such a sense of humour, and sense of calm, nothing bothered him but his people going away.
I miss Ivan, I miss having a dog.
Thank you for sharing yours with us all, it makes me smile and laugh....though I still miss Ivey.

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

I lost Fenris last year; I still miss her, even call to her on walks when I'm not thinking. I suspect that some part of me will always wait for her.

Animals in our lives touch us and change us, but I think that there's some extra element in a wolfdog. The bond just gets so deep, when it works. Of course, choosing the time to let go is one of the greatest prices we as the human side of the equation pay for that bond, but it's worth it.

[baxil.livejournal.com]

The prose is almost breathtaking: somehow you have surrounding you the entire circle of life, from childhood to old age, and in a few simple paragraphs it all comes together. Thank you.

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

Most welcome. I'm really glad that you enjoyed it.

[flyingfluff.livejournal.com]

Wow, that was so beautifully written. Even though I don't have a dog in my life, it definitely made me reflect back on my own parrot flock. How the dynamics of a pack is not all that different from the dynamics of a flock.