Family photos

[summer_jackel]

Triad pics! Feel free to ignore, but they are pretty cute.

These were taken by the documentary people. Yes, the documentary is here...if you're in Britan, look for a show called "Polygamous Wives". I haven't figured out how to get it on YouTube yet, but when it's done, the links will be posted.

Other than the bad title (it's polyamory, dammit!!!!) it's a very neat show and I'm quite pleased with it...I'll hold off on any more detailed commentary until it's available on line, but it kinda...idealized us, a little. Only because one of the other 2 families involved was really scary, probably.

At any rate, there are photos, and I'm thrilled by that because we don't have very many of all three of us.

Speaking of poly...yeah, things are going pretty well around here, although it is a heck of a lot of work. I've been contemplating this a fair bit recently, and I'm of the opinion that, at least in my situation, loving and being in relationship with more than one person has created major benefits in all of the relationships. It's pretty neat. My relating-to-people skills, never my best thing as those of you who have known me for awhile will no doubt attest, have certainly seen more development and improvement in the 3+ years I've been poly than they did in twice that before. And, emotionally anyhow, I've *always* been poly; my love has never been mutually exclusive. So in a way it seems more authentic.

...even if poly is going in directions I never thought it would. Woah, NRE. And Spring.

Comments

[dustmeat.livejournal.com]

awww :)

[genmaicha.livejournal.com]

Adorable. <3

[kiohl.livejournal.com]

Cuuuuuuuute XD

[redstorm.livejournal.com]

The show you are in sounds very interesting. Is it focused on the wives themselves? Or is that just finalizing a bad title?

I've noticed that on a lot of poly sites there is a lot of talk regarding triads such as yours - two women and a guy, but less talk of the kind with two guys and a girl. (And I'm keeping my terms loose here, as many of these triads have other satellite relationships). Do you know why this is? Or am I just frequenting the wrong places? Or maybe you are like me and keep separate from the poly community.

As to the photos, you all look really cool, and happy. Congrats. :D

[eclipsegryph.livejournal.com]

Hehe, absolutely wonderful and adorable pictures!

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

The whole series focuses on the 'wives' in various alternative living situations...the other show I've seen focuses on the wives of transvestites (and is also very well done...liking it is why I permitted them to film me). So that IS their bias...and the other two families portrayed were also one male, multiple females. Which is what they had to work with, since finding people was difficult for them, but I REALLY wish they'd had a multiple-male family to talk about.

I don't think that M/F/F triads are in any way a 'typical' scenerio for poly, if there is such a thing, or even the most desirable one for many. I do think that it's one of the more desirable-*sounding* scenerios for those who are newly considering poly, especially straight guys, if that makes any sense. The commonly expressed fantasy of multiple female lovers gives the possibility of a M/F/F triad a lot of energy. (c'mon, how much porn featuring lesbians is directed at straight guys...?) The whole often-derided stereotype of a couple looking to date a "hot bi babe" is often batted about in poly circles, but I think that some people really do seriously come to the lifestyle looking for that, or thinking they want it. The reality of poly love tends to be more complex even if you DO start with a 'simple triad' of any gender mix, from what I've seen.

Actually, one of the things that I felt was unfortunate about the documentary is that it made it look like our triad came about that way, when it really didn't...we were originally a M/M/F/F quartet. And all three of us have other relationships that weren't mentioned in the film. Of course, if they added all the detail, they could have gone an hour just with us.

I do know a few other M/F/F triads, but also M/M/F triads and other arrangements of all stripes.

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

thanks!

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

Thanks!!!

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

thanks!

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

thanks!!!

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[pelzig.livejournal.com]

^_^

Though, he really looks like Mick Jagger in the second to last pic. :)

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

hahahaha! I will so tell Kestrel you said that.

[a-rowan-dryad.livejournal.com]

You three are so cute! *grabs all three of your up in a big group snuggle*

Looks like I will be in town for job hunting, housing hunting (fact gathering mission in general) in June for a wedding. I plan to take a few extra days to do some camping with my boy.

Email me your phone (or I will give you mine) so we can all make plans to say hello!

[corpsefairy.livejournal.com]

Kestrel = Cabana Boy.

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

...among a number of other rather interesting things, yes.
A rather happy cabana boy.

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

awesome! I look forward to seeing you then! :D

I'll email you with my phone in a bit. I'll need the dates so I don't schedule anything else over the time you're in town. :)

[pelzig.livejournal.com]

Hopefully he'll take that in a good way. ^_^

[kimberly-t.livejournal.com]

The three of you look very good together!

Ummm, if it's not too personal a question, what happened to the fourth member of your quartet, mentioned in an earlier comment? Sorry if I'm being too nosy, but I'm frequently fascinated by interpersonal dynamics.

[knnyx.livejournal.com]

awwww
:)
cute

[summer-jackel.livejournal.com]

nah, it's not too personal, but thanks for asking.

it's a sad story, actually. There's this oft-debated concept in the poly world of 'primary and secondary' relationships, the primary of which is 'more important' or usually takes precedence over the needs of the secondary. The 4 of us all talked about how this concept was yucky---none of us wanted a secondary r., or to be one.

So we all went along in a hapy new-relationship daze for a couple of months until things shifted to greatly increased depth between K and L. Some things happened that were really important for L, with or without the relationship with any of us. Our fourth became very scared, threatened by these changes in her. He got posessive, almost overnight and ultiimately told her to break up with us. Which they both did for a while, but, um, the cat was out of the emotional bag at that point. You can't ask someone to stop loving someone else. I mean, even looking at it from a purely biological POV, it just don't work like that: ya can't TELL someone's brain to stop secreting that seratonin. A year of therapy helped both of them grow emotionally (well, I assume in his case since I haven't spoken to him since) but they didn't get functional.

What I've learned from this and from dealing with my own problems with K and L's relationship, is that primary/secondary is an illusion, but so is a 'perfectly equal' group of relationships. They're living, dynamic things that in all ways resist prediction, which I think is always true, but in a poly context hoo boy do you notice it sometimes. Going poly is kind of like stepping off a cliff, or maybe getting on an airplane with no idea what your destination is. Honestly, all love is that way, though, as far as I've seen so far.